When Trust Is Broken

Hi EVES

Today I am a bit at a loss for words, but I feel I do need to discuss this topic, as it is one that many of us have had to deal with. Trust. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, “TRUST” is defined as: “an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone in which confidence (hope) is placed. In other words, when you decide to trust someone, you place all your hope in their character, believing that they will treat you well. You place your hope fully in them to be your strength when you are weak. You also place your hope in their ability to love you for you and you place your hope in who you believe they are. So when that trust is broken, you lose your hope in everything you believed to be true. That is why it feels like your world is falling apart, because everything you believed to be true, become a lie.

As you all may know by now, I have never been married, but I too have tasted the sting of having my trust broken more times than I care to remember by friends and family. Trust is not only broken in the marriage relationship, but in all relationships. So, I understand the anger and desire to retaliate, not only towards the wrong doer, but more importantly towards yourself. I too have felt like a fool for having trusted in the first place.

Coming back from that place has not, and is not easy, but as I have experienced, it is possible. I have recently found myself rubbing shoulders with a few EVES who are presently experiencing this, and I have been saddened by the reality that this has become a normal part of life, especially in marriage. The anger, and betrayal and broken – heartedness is very real, and it makes you question everything about yourself. Questions bombard you like missiles following a targeted submarine, and as they hit, one after the other, you feel like you a drowning and cannot come up for air.

Am I to blame?

Why did this happen?

What did I do wrong?

What did I not do?

Why me?

Why now?

How do I fix this?

There is no quick solution sis, so take a deep breath. In fact, take a couple of deep breaths. The emotions you are feeling are normal. You are not losing your mind. You are not to blame. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are in shock. So breath.

Just like in the Garden, the enemy of our souls will condemn and guilt you, so resist the temptation to turn on yourself. May I offer some practical advise which I hope will help you through this dark time?

1. Accept the truth, that you are not to blame for the actions and decisions of someone else.
2. Accept that this is not going to be an easy fix, but that you are going to get through this.
3. Allow yourself all the time you need to feel and deal with every emotion that rises.
4. Put yourself first. You are the most important person in this situation, so look after yourself by ensuring that you get enough rest and eat well.
5. Surround yourself with loved ones and friends who will support you no matter what you decide to do.
6. Avoid any and all drama. you have enough on your plate.
7. If you feel you need to make a decision, then do what is best for you. No, it is not selfish.
8. If you are not coping, seek counselling. We tend to feel that there is something wrong with us if we are not able to coping by ourselves. That is the biggest lie.
9. Commit to move forward, whether you choose to stay or leave. Do not allow yourself to stay in a place of indecision.

EVE, my prayer for you, is that you will find the courage to move forward after the betrayal, and hopefully remain open to love again. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy. I am ending this post with a short poem.

The Courage to Love

It takes courage to love again when you’ve been hurt.
It takes pain and strength again to pack it all away.
Somewhere, in all the pain, somebody has to have the courage to be okay.
He (God) gives me courage to love.

Vanessa, Madea’s Family Reunion

This is obviously a bigger discussion than this post, but I hope this helps you to cope a little bit. If you do need any further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me. You may contact me on 076 2422187.

Psalm 28:7

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”